Taking stock, and subsequent resolutions

Happy New Year all five of you (probably). I trust you’ve had a pleasant Christmas.

Both my Christmas and New Years festivities were pleasant, jovial and without unwanted drama. However, this just means that I have nothing else to trouble me whilst I take stock of my life’s direction as one does at the start of a year. It is a good time not to blame externalities but to make an honest self-assessment and consider ways of self-improvement. I felt so depressed on New Year’s Day that I lost my appetite, felt sick and could barely sleep.

I’ll put it this way. I’m not Roissy.  There’s a reason I read that sort of thing. And as such, these New Year milestones serve as a galling reminder of how things are and how they should be better.

I don’t want to reveal too much but there is a root of my last three years of self-examination and all this observing-human-nature-for-all-its-ugliness malarkey. Just after graduating, I joined a friend’s popular band for a short time until being fired. It’s left me with a lot of baggage, mainly centring around wasted opportunities and other regrets – it’s a long story. Anyway, I had to move back with the old folks and after 2 years of that I’d decided something had to give, so I moved away again.

To be honest, I haven’t yet made the most of living in a decent new city in terms of meeting people. Until the last third of this year, I would go out most weekends, but not really step out of my comfort zone. Not enough talking to strangers. And then a few months back I realised I needed to finance my music and couldn’t both do that and go out every weekend on my present salary.

At around mid-August, my best friend fell head-over-heels in love with this lovely girl. She’s his first ever girlfriend; before that he had about three one night stands. Sadly, she was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago with no proper prognosis as of yet. On the evening of the diagnosis, my mate came back understandably choked up and we ended up having an all-night heart-to-heart over whiskey. I couldn’t help but say how I would much rather be in his shoes, giving the whole “better to have loved and lost…” spiel. Better big highs and big lows than nothing.

So my resolution is not so much “practice game more”, which is my intent, but doing that which is conducive to greater SMV. Finding that better job, doing those extra sit-ups, getting that good music out. More to be arrogant about.

This blog will remain an ‘as and when’ affair, but in the meantime…



~ by CallistoRising on January 3, 2012.

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