Negative attainability and ‘getting the hint’

So there’s this relatively new girl where I work. She was one of those people who I casually observe and make inferences about their personality. She’s one of these girls who I could tell had a low self-esteem that was in direct relation to her appearance. Now, I’ve seen some no-hope monsters in my time and she’s not one of them, but she does have a stick-like figure with squared off shoulders, a Habsburg-esque jutting jaw, a mild speech impediment and that characteristic haunch that low self-esteemers have (hey, even I had it until recently). Her mannerisms betray that of someone with low confidence. In a way she reminds me of me three years ago, albeit with the crushing knowledge that looks hold greater sway in female sexual market value.

Anyway, she’s sat next to me today and she begins rather transparently flirting with me. It was awkward conversation starters and a string of non-sequiturs, the sort that a game-less beta male would start on a girl. Obviously I politely answered but as abruptly as possible, under the pretense that I was hard at work.

What many would intuitively think is that I should be flattered, but rather the opposite. Every time this happens, I feel that unwanted attention such as this from low-SMV girls might be the result of an ostensible attainability that might be betrayed by signs of low-SMV in myself – classic sign of my high-powered perception being my weakness. I think of creepy Asians and shoggoths that I’ve had to shrug off in the past and they’ve all served as a reminder of that, balanced out maybe by a few gorgeous continental Europeans I’ve known (mostly Germans). Perhaps I’m reading into this as an assessment of my SMV too much.

On the other end of the scale, what I do observe though is that the higher-SMV the girl, the less direct their signs of interest are. That isn’t rocket science, higher-SMV girls have room to screen by way of shit-testing down to the wire.  I am therefore more suspicious when they’re more direct. I remember once at gig in Germany with one of my bands and this lovely shapely German who was so my type it took the piss, was really eyeing me up when I was onstage and everytime I was visible from the sidelines backstage, her friend would nudge her and go “there he is!” They waited after the gig in order to talk to me but I was too busy chatting with others to approach her. She and her friend eventually marched out in dissapointment and I called out a lame “bye” to which her friend alerted her. I spent the rest of the evening morose about my inaction. Thankfully she got in touch on Myspace a few days later to tell me how cute she thought I was. It cheered me up, but I never really pursued it because she didn’t seem worth the effort given the combination of distance and unremarkable personality, though she said how upset she was when she found out I was no longer in the band. Still, the whole scenario was telling of not just my inhibition but my cynicism and bitterness.

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~ by CallistoRising on October 20, 2011.

2 Responses to “Negative attainability and ‘getting the hint’”

  1. On the other end of the scale, what I do observe though is that the higher-SMV the girl, the less direct their signs of interest are. That isn’t rocket science, higher-SMV girls have room to screen by way of shit-testing down to the wire.

    This about nails it. You have to remember that women don’t always flirt with the same objective that men do (i.e. getting laid). A lot of them like to flirt just for the fun of it. The girl you mention probably didn’t think she could start a relationship with you; in all likelihood, she just wanted an opportunity to flirt with someone with higher “SMV” than herself. When ugly/fat girls do this to me, I usually flirt a little back, just to be kind. It really makes their day.

    • You’re probably right. I should have been less curt. For some reason when these things happen the part of my brain that goes “nobody’s going to make you fuck her” switches off.

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