Something I hate about myself pt.1

There’s a fine line between blogs that offer semi-detached, introspective insight into the world and those that merely offer an outlet for the author’s whining and general self-absorption. But this is my blog and I can do what the hell I want with it.

My gripe today is one that I hope maybe some of you can relate to. I notice in social situations I often seem to answer questions with an immediate response, right on the spot. I don’t give myself enough time to consider my answer and I don’t allow for any silences whilst I think, so I end up awkwardly babbling out a load of shit with a hint of defensiveness – when I do it in the company of my best mate I can tell he’s cringing on the inside. I hate it and acknowledge it’s beta behaviour, to see everything as an interrogation and treat your response as if you were studying an important exam. Not to blame it all on externalities but I feel this in part due to the way I was brought up – constantly being interrupted and intimidated by my mother and generally feeling as if I can’t fit a word in edgeways, perhaps due to unassertiveness, meaning that to compensate I babble to fill the silence when put on the spot. It’s detrimental to how friends see me, let alone a hindrance to ‘game’.

It feels like I have a mountain to climb to get rid of it because it’s such an ingrained, reflexive behaviour. If anyone else wants to share which of their own reflexive traits they hate (and how you try to tackle it), feel free.


~ by CallistoRising on August 28, 2011.

4 Responses to “Something I hate about myself pt.1”

  1. […] Rising authored a post entitled “Something I hate about myself pt. 1,” in which he enumerates on his weaker characteristic of babbling. Inspired to think of one […]

  2. I can have the same tendency, most people are poor listeners which is their problem not yours, don’t overcompensate for their shortcomings. You just need to assess your audience and environment more consistently. I use my drink as an object to center myself, swirl the ice or rub the beer bottle label with the thumb as a ritual to focus the mind into a modern day
    “Be Here Now Kind” of place. Repeat this Mantra “No HBD Discussion”
    “Only One Or Two Line Comments At A Time ~ Ohmm” and you will be tapping more poon than you can handle.

  3. Grammatical correction ………. “Be Here Now” kind of place.

    • Trust me, I very rarely get into high-brow let alone HBD discussion with people in ‘meatspace’ – too much of a diplomatic minefield, let alone a party pooper. I even have to restrain myself from the “well, actually” and bite my tongue when these subjects do come up, half the time.

      “Be Here Now” is a good mantra and admittedly something I struggle at. I often find myself outside of my body assessing the situation and social dynamic rather than following my impulses and enjoying the moment. It depends on what trajectory my mood takes me, usually.

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